Food Is Love

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

November 22

I know its been a long time, and I feel a little bad about that. Just so much going on. I went to London for a weekend, and then this weekend I went to Paris. In London my girlfriend gave me Adderall, which is supposed to be a drug for attention deficit disorder, helps you concentrate and whatnot... but it also reduces your appetite. She gave me like 40 and so I havent been eating a lot. It has some side affects, mostly just my stomach making weird noises trying to digest nothing! Paris was cool bc i didnt eat all day, and then I didnt feel guilty about drinking wine and eating pizza or cheese or bread or whatever. The medicine just gives you energy to do the stuff you need to do, but you just... arent hungry. But i dont think its a good idea not to eat at all... after London I couldnt run because I was just so tired. I would get really dizzy, and I took a break until after Paris. Today was my first day back. I walked 5 minutes, ran 10, walked 7, ran 10 (with a 1 min break bc i was really tired) and then walked 8... It was a good start... I weighed myself too... lost a few pounds, but I cant really figure out the scales because its in KGs.... I know its not that much though, because stones are on the scale too, and Im not down past 9 yet... or anywhere near :( Keep working!!!!!

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

November 8

I have been exercising every single day. Like when I say every single day, I mean ive missed 1 in the last 2 weeks. Ive started this new running program. Im not a very good runner bc I get that side stich thing really quickly then I give up... but i found in this fitness magazine a program for beginners and Im in my second week and am doing really well. On the days it says to take off I go to the gym and do something else. Today I did the elliptical and walked on an incline. The problem is.... ive been gaining weight. I mean, not like a ton, like 3 lbs... but still, it sucks because I cant say its muscle since I havent been weight training, and so it must be my food intake. Which I DO try to keep low... I eat a grape fruit or a banana or yogurt for breakfast and lunch. Then I guess its dinner thats doing it to me, because I keep getting invited out or over to other people's and I want their attention, but I dont want to eat their food. But I do anyway... and I drink too... and feel guilty about it. Tonight I have offered to cook dinner for Evan Jordan and Rachel. I was thinking about making chicken parm... but in a healthy way. I dont even know if I want that. I might have a grapefruit and some yogurt and just say i was really hungry earlier and ate then... I dont know what to do... self discipline would be nice.

Monday, November 06, 2006

November 6

Something is wrong with me. I havent been caring as much. I mean, Ive been thinking about the food I eat, but not to the extent of constantly thinking about it, obsessing about it. I dont want to obsess, but I feel like if I dont I have nothing. Like for instance, yesterday my cousin gave me some peanut M and Ms. I didnt eat them I put them in the car, but when I got in later, they were there, and I 'didnt want to be rude' so i had the whole pack. Thats like 300 cals. And then I was too lazy to get my ass up to the gym, so by the time I got there it was closing in 25 minutes. Regardless I just hate the way Ive 'let myself go.' I need a kick in the ass. At the grocery store I bought fruit and frozen vegetables. I also have some chicken in the freezer and soup in my cupboard. That is all I will eat for this week... except for dinner on Tuesday with Greg.

Breakfast- Banana, Water
Lunch- Whole Grapefruit, Coffee/Coke, Apple
Dinner- 1/2 can vegetable soup, Half Chicken Breast, 1/2 cup veggies

That is exactly 600 calories. Lets see how this goes.
Im also going to the gym today and working out on the tredmill.. but first i must study! off to the library.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

October 31st

Happy Halloween!!! Im not going out bc I dont want to drink a lot and get fat. That would just be stupid. Ha Ha like the rest of my life. Last night I fell asleep worrying about my body, thinking about exercise, wondering if I should eat a snack.... Im crazy!!!! Woke up at 830, went to the gym around 10. Walked for 45 minutes. Not so good, but did 130 crunches, and weighed myself... down to like 58.5 kg... which is less than before.... but Im really not sure. And my waist has gotten smaller too. 25.3 ish. Hips.. still too big. :( oh well.
Food wise:
1 6oz. cup of yogurt
1 cup of cereal
1 can of sliced carrots
2 lattes

Tonight I am going out to dinner with Scot... a friend Ive met whose company I enjoy. I feel that Ive done OK today, especially since my latte was skim... So I will eat... lol I have to. But no fried food hopefully!

Sunday, October 29, 2006

October 29

food is so powerful.

and you have to wonder why....because it doesnt talk, or call your name or taste amazing, or compare to an orgasm, or make you beautiful. food is powerful.... without reason.
i eat food just to eat it. to chew, to have something in my mouth, to consume.... because im greedy.
i ate a packet of biscuits yesterday. i dont even know what they tasted like. i just shoved one after the other into my mouth... until i felt sick.
today i ate my breakfast, and then 45 minutes later, I ate again. I wasnt hungry... i just knew the food was there. It WAS calling my name. How can i be addicted to something so.... inanimate?

today was my 5th straight day at the gym. I want to keep it up, but next weekend I am going back to my aunts house for my cousins birthday. If she comes to get me on friday night, i wont work out saturday or sunday.. maybe I can convince her to come get me saturday morning, and squeeze in an early workout. My goal is have my workouts come to less that 2 dollars each.... I paid 80.30, so that means i need to go 40+ times. I have 50 days left.

I am thinking about cutting carbs out of my diet completely. Carbs as in bread and pasta... not vegetables or fruits. I have a lot of potatoes, and i love potatoes, so probably not those either. But I wont buy any more after this.

Friday, October 27, 2006

October 27

My throat is sore from my fingers poking the back of it. I think I should stop, but I binge and then I feel sooooo guilty. Yesterday I ate biscuits, pasta, rice cakes... EVERYTHING. SUCH a fatassss... I got up the ricecakes and pasta at least. Couldnt get up the crumpet or cereal i snacked on after I came home from the bar. Ohh, I had chips at the bar too. Jesus. Weighed myself today... 60 kg, 133 pounds. Shit. I had shoes on, but it doesnt matter.... I just want to get thin! Ive been exercising at least. Today I did 20 minutes on the stairstepper, and 30 on the bike. And to eat ive had 1 grapefruit, some tuna with light mayo, and a latte. And can I just vent and say that alex raposo or whatever her name is, is the most annoying person in the whole world and i hate her. I dont hate her, but its not my job to figure out what "WE" are doing, bc we arent attached at the hip, and I dont want to do stuff with her because she is so loud and opinionated and i regret the day I ever invited her to do whatever it was we were doing.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

October 25

for some reason my blogger didnt work yesterday... oh well. i didnt do my pushups or squats or crunches yet today.. but i promise i will. i had class at 9 am and woke up at 8 to shower and get ready. Had an ephedra pill and an apple for breakfast, and I just ate a small chicken breast with corn carrots and brocoli. total of 400 cals i think.
im going to the gym after I finish today. Not sure what i'll do, but at least 1 hour, no matter what. I want to start doing this running program, bc im no good at it, my side always aches. If i can find my magazine article maybe ill do that. I asked Alex to come but I hope she wont kind of bc she will complain and not do a lot of work and ill end up not working as hard as i could. ugh, girls suck.