Food Is Love

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

October 31st

Happy Halloween!!! Im not going out bc I dont want to drink a lot and get fat. That would just be stupid. Ha Ha like the rest of my life. Last night I fell asleep worrying about my body, thinking about exercise, wondering if I should eat a snack.... Im crazy!!!! Woke up at 830, went to the gym around 10. Walked for 45 minutes. Not so good, but did 130 crunches, and weighed myself... down to like 58.5 kg... which is less than before.... but Im really not sure. And my waist has gotten smaller too. 25.3 ish. Hips.. still too big. :( oh well.
Food wise:
1 6oz. cup of yogurt
1 cup of cereal
1 can of sliced carrots
2 lattes

Tonight I am going out to dinner with Scot... a friend Ive met whose company I enjoy. I feel that Ive done OK today, especially since my latte was skim... So I will eat... lol I have to. But no fried food hopefully!

Sunday, October 29, 2006

October 29

food is so powerful.

and you have to wonder why....because it doesnt talk, or call your name or taste amazing, or compare to an orgasm, or make you beautiful. food is powerful.... without reason.
i eat food just to eat it. to chew, to have something in my mouth, to consume.... because im greedy.
i ate a packet of biscuits yesterday. i dont even know what they tasted like. i just shoved one after the other into my mouth... until i felt sick.
today i ate my breakfast, and then 45 minutes later, I ate again. I wasnt hungry... i just knew the food was there. It WAS calling my name. How can i be addicted to something so.... inanimate?

today was my 5th straight day at the gym. I want to keep it up, but next weekend I am going back to my aunts house for my cousins birthday. If she comes to get me on friday night, i wont work out saturday or sunday.. maybe I can convince her to come get me saturday morning, and squeeze in an early workout. My goal is have my workouts come to less that 2 dollars each.... I paid 80.30, so that means i need to go 40+ times. I have 50 days left.

I am thinking about cutting carbs out of my diet completely. Carbs as in bread and pasta... not vegetables or fruits. I have a lot of potatoes, and i love potatoes, so probably not those either. But I wont buy any more after this.

Friday, October 27, 2006

October 27

My throat is sore from my fingers poking the back of it. I think I should stop, but I binge and then I feel sooooo guilty. Yesterday I ate biscuits, pasta, rice cakes... EVERYTHING. SUCH a fatassss... I got up the ricecakes and pasta at least. Couldnt get up the crumpet or cereal i snacked on after I came home from the bar. Ohh, I had chips at the bar too. Jesus. Weighed myself today... 60 kg, 133 pounds. Shit. I had shoes on, but it doesnt matter.... I just want to get thin! Ive been exercising at least. Today I did 20 minutes on the stairstepper, and 30 on the bike. And to eat ive had 1 grapefruit, some tuna with light mayo, and a latte. And can I just vent and say that alex raposo or whatever her name is, is the most annoying person in the whole world and i hate her. I dont hate her, but its not my job to figure out what "WE" are doing, bc we arent attached at the hip, and I dont want to do stuff with her because she is so loud and opinionated and i regret the day I ever invited her to do whatever it was we were doing.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

October 25

for some reason my blogger didnt work yesterday... oh well. i didnt do my pushups or squats or crunches yet today.. but i promise i will. i had class at 9 am and woke up at 8 to shower and get ready. Had an ephedra pill and an apple for breakfast, and I just ate a small chicken breast with corn carrots and brocoli. total of 400 cals i think.
im going to the gym after I finish today. Not sure what i'll do, but at least 1 hour, no matter what. I want to start doing this running program, bc im no good at it, my side always aches. If i can find my magazine article maybe ill do that. I asked Alex to come but I hope she wont kind of bc she will complain and not do a lot of work and ill end up not working as hard as i could. ugh, girls suck.

Monday, October 23, 2006

October 23

Ive been in Egypt for the past week.. it has been really beautiful, but I have been indulging where i shouldnt, and being pretty selfish about my food and exercise... too much, too little. I have, however been purging some of it, so thats good. I havent had a chance to weigh myself since ive been home, but i will tomorrow morning. This afternoon I thought about some goals for myself:

GW1: 125
GW2: 120
GW3: 118-- the problem is, 118 is a big number, and im not even that tall... 5'6'', but for some reason I can never get past 122. I know thats 'small' but I want to be smaller.. I want a BMI of 19, simple as that. Then Ill be happier.

waist: 25
hips: 34

how do i reach these goals? I think what i need to do is just be persistant. I need to actually do what I say Im going to do. NO late night binges, NO eating forbidden food, NO skipping exercise.

Speaking of exercise.. this is what im going to do:

Cardio- at least 1 hr per day... no excuses.
Every morning: 50 pushups, 50 squats, 200 crunches, stretching.
Weights- every other day... once I can start going to the gym.


Once i can remember my school schedule ill make a better workout schedule. Im also planning a fast sometime before thanksgiving... we'll see how that goes.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

October 15

So... it didnt go exactly as planned. I ate some lunch.. I had a cheese and tomato toasty, which is like a toasted cheese sandwhich with tomato slices in it. Not so bad for you.. cheese is good right? Then for dinner I had a slice of pork, carrots and peas, and some roasted potatoes. Potatoes are my weakness. I LOVE THEM. I also had a little bit of yorkshire pudding, which is like bread type stuff. Im estimating my total to be about 1100. That includes the nibbles of popcorn during the movie tonight and the nibble of carrot cake i had at coffee. At least i had normal coffee. Why cant i control myself! Tomorrow we wake up REALLY early to catch our flight to Egypt. We'll have plane food, which is gross anyway, and then dinner at the hotel. Hopefully something gross as well. What ever... we'll see.

10/15/06

last night i went all out. since it was my "last day" as a real person.... haha, like it is. im such a binger. anyway... my cousin (12) and i went to blockbuster and got 2 movies, a 2 lter diet coke, a popcorn and a candy all for 10 pounds. I ate a chocolate cake thingy, then a few handfulls of popcorn and then some of the chocolate candy and a can of diet coke. probably like 500-600 pounds. but right now its 1130 and all ive had is tea with a splash of milk.... albeit whole milk, they dont drink anything else. Im going to costa later for some coffee, will just get plain coffee i think. :) that will do it until dinner time, hopefully... if i can keep myself busy with my school work.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

october 14

this isnt what i want.. its just what i am. since i was in highschool... ive been counting calories, restricting food, worrying, exercising, letting it take over my life. i dont plan on stopping either. i havent lost weight over the 4 or 5 years this has been going on...maybe for a few months, but i always get back up again. its a cycle i cant control... dont want to control. i dont know how much i weigh right now... 134 last time i checked 2 weeks ago, but im in england on study abroad, and the last week ive been drinking and eating like the world was ending. ill be in egypt for the next week, and i am determined to make a change. unfortunately, while im visiting my relatives, i cant just... not eat... what would they think? today so far:

1 container yogurt (90)
1/2 cup cornflakes (50)
1 chicken sandwich at mcdonalds (370)
5 potato wedges from mcdonalds (??)
1 mini cupcake (85)

for dinner we are having lambchops, corn, and new potatoes. I will only eat half of my lambchop. corn and potatoes are good for you, but they will be covered in butter, i know it. 3/4 of those then?

we're looking at 200 for the lamb, 200 for the potatoes, and 80 for the corn.

Grand total for the day: 1075 plus whatever it was for the potato wedges... probably about 60/70. I'm looking to keep it under 1000 each day... preferably under 800, but we'll see how that goes. Oh... i had a latte today, add another 100. Damn, I suck. Maybe ill binge tonight and eat all my lamb and all my potatoes and tomorrow fast until dinner. At least I will have one more day of satisfaction, since I've already screwed today up.


I also took a 45 minute walk today. I aim to do a lot of exercising at school, but here its hard. 45 minutes at least every day.